I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
