dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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