turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
And then my night got REAL pukey
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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