My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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