i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
