Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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