I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
