One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
