i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
