ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
