someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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