textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Randomize
