The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
