just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Randomize