I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
