mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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