i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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