She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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