My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize