don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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