i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
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