Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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