were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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