you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
