I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
