You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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