Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
