He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
There's always time for handjobs
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
