i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
