How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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