she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
