When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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