I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
