i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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