apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
