Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
