The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
