if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
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