Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
