im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
