when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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