trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
