??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
