i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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