i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
