Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Randomize
