I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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