There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
