You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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