This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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