Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
