I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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