Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
