everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize