well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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