just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
