So drunk its hurt
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
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