I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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