Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
a search helicopter?!
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
