why didn't you poke me back
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
