if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
