thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
