I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Can I color on your dick again?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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