I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
