I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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