i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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