You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
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