I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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