A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
