I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize