John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
