Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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