I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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