and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
