I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
