so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
