People in love make me want to vomit
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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