Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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