I'm drive I can fine osifer
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize