Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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