you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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