There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
