Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
