I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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