I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
