pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
17 year olds will be the death of me.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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