i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
