I would go down on you faster than GM stock
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
