Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
