Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
