party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
