Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
