dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
