wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
3pm strippers are depressing
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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