Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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