i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
