I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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